Everything is better with bacon and garlic. My recipe for potato salad.

I want to give my potato salad a little zing so everything goes good with bacon and bacon is even better with garlic so what better than fried garlic in bacon fat?

Happy Thanksgiving. In addition to being an overall internet genius, I also cook so here’s my recipe for a potato salad with a little omph. I want to give my potato salad a little zing so everything goes good with bacon and bacon is even better with garlic so what better than fried garlic in bacon fat?

  • 10 pounds of potatoes. I just used the plain russet potatoes because it was $2 for 10 pounds at Smart & Final. Some people like to uses red potatoes.
  • 1 pack of bacon.
  • 1-2 cloves of garlic. I used 2 because nothing is better than garlic in bacon fat. Oh, I said that already.
  • Fresh chives. If you can, buy this at an Asian market because the big chains will rape you on the price of fresh chives.
  • Lots of mayo. I never measure. I just dump it in until it looks right.
  • Salt and pepper.
  • Chopped lemon peel from two lemons.
  • 4 tablespoon of rich vinegar and some mustard powder to give it some umph.
  1. Fry the bacon over medium heat until it’s crispy. Let it cool and chop it into little bits. It’s ok if you sneak a taste.
  2. Save the fat from the bacon and fry fresh chopped garlic on medium heat. I said fresh garlic, not that bottle shit. See, I told you I didn’t steal this recipe. Have you ever seen a recipe with the word shit in it?
  3. Get the garlic nice and brown but not burnt.
  4. Set aside the garlic and bacon over some paper towels.
  5. Here’s the hardest part. Boil the potatoes skin on or skin off. Just scrub them well if you want skin on because you don’t know what kind of poop has landed on it.
  6. The trick is to boil the potatoes until they are just firm enough but not mushy. It should be like an almost ripe peach, not like a banana.Keep poking it with a fork to test. As soon as it’s right, take it off the heat, dump the hot water and replace a few times with cold water to stop the cooking.
  7. Let it drain and go play on the internet.
  8. Wash your hands because you’re about to get intimate with the potatoes.
  9. Chop up the bacon into bits.
  10. Now use a very large bowl and prepare half of the potatoes at a time. Why half? Because unless you are a witch, you proably don’t have a bowl big enough for 10 pounds of potatoes and 10+ pounds of wet potatoes is really hard to toss.
  11. Divide all your ingredients into two parts or if you’re really smart, keep it one part and just use half.
  12. Cut the potatoes into 1/2 inch chunks. I like to do circles, half circles, and polygons but not squares. Hexagons are only for the most adventurous.
  13. When you have enough to do one layer, stop and add salt, pepper, little vinegar, pinch of mustard powder, some chopped chives, some bacon bits, lemon peel, and some garlic bits. Then throw some mayo on it. Since you’re a noob, beta test this small batch so you know how it taste. Adjust as required.
  14. Repeat until you use up all 5 pounds of the potatoes. Squeeze some lemon juice on top of it.
  15. Now just use one hand and mix it up and try not to mush up all the potatoes. Why just one hand? If you have to ask, you’re a bad cook. Ok, maybe not bad but inexperienced.
  16. Dump it into a container you can cover so you can let it infuse with flavor in the fridge for a few hours or overnight. Before you cover it, sprinkle some chopped chives on top to make people think it taste good because half the battle in cooking is presentation.
  17. Repeat with the remaining 5 pounds of potatoes.

What? You used all the ingredients? Idiot! The second batch will be just potatoes and mayo. Don’t serve that to your guests. Just eat it yourself.

I’m eating a sample as I type this. It’s damn good.

And Cooks Source Magazine, you better not steal my shit. I own the copyright to this masterpiece and it’s not public domain just because you found it on the internet. You don’t see me stealing your car because it’s on the street.